First day of 2013

So, I have decided (almost) to start a blog. Clearly I've actually started it, but as with many things in my life, I'm not sure I'm 100% committed yet.

I was inspired to consider this venture by a Facebook friend from high school who is going through a difficult time and using a blog to stay sane and seek support.  I myself have been going through a difficult time the last year and was impressed by her bravery and resourcefulness. I am still struggling with how much of my life to put on this blog... or if I should limit it to certain aspects of my life. Namely my constant struggle to lose weight and be healthier.  I think I will start with that.  I'm sure all the other life stuff will come up, as I am sure it all affects my daily choices.

So, for the sake of background, I'll do a brief overview and then leave it alone. Sure to surface again, but not to be the focus of this blog.

I am a 32 (almost 33) year old female. I live in a lovely warm part of the country, far away from most of my family up in the frozen north.  I have a job that allows me to be creative, but takes up all of my time and most of my energy. I love the people I work with. I have two kitties and a big yard to take care of at my new house I bought a year ago.  And that pretty much sums up my day to day.

I also have a boyfriend, kind of.  We have dated forever and lived together since we moved to this state 8 years ago. We've been very happy and he is my best friend, but as most people do we had our struggles, together and individually as well. Eight months ago, after the stress of buying our first home and a job change, we were fighting more than usual and (looking back) dealing with many classic symptoms of undiagnosed major depression complicated by drinking too much.

He decided the best thing, and only thing in his mind, was to get to a place with less stress and to him that meant moving out.  This also seems to be a classic symptom in male depression. In the last eight months we have talked little, texted a good bit, although less lately, and seen each other almost not at all. When he left, the plan was for it to be temporary while he straightened out his head, he still loved/s me. He isn't using traditional professional help, despite my initial frantic insistence, later gently suggestions and eventual resignation that I can't do it for him. After many months of confusion and tears, I don't know what will happen, but I do know that I can't really change anything. I truly want the best for him and I hope he can find someone who can help him professionally so that he can become the sweet, smart, confident, funny person that I love/d again. Whether we end up back together or not. But for now, we're in limbo and I need to try to take care of me the best ways I can figure out how.

So, even though all that is going on and is in my every waking thought, there is a whole world out there and I need to keep moving through life! And I need to do it more healthfully.  And that, my friends, is the purpose of this blog. I have been overweight my whole life, I have tried a zillion things to change it, some with some success, some with complete failure.  Of course, the ones that have worked have involved diet and exercise! Go figure.  My problem seems to be motivation, consistency, will power and lets not forget, emotional eating.  And it is just damn hard to get started!

I hope to use this blog to keep myself accountable, to have a place to vent, complain, seek encouragement, celebrate successes, explore ideas and maybe inspire someone else. And also to keep track of information and ideas and try to figure out what works and what doesn't.  I will welcome suggestions from any of you, feel free to comment if you see me doing something that I think is healthy and it actually isn't.  Thanks for reading, ~E